


Not Who I Remember

by camichats



Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [139]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, First War with Voldemort, Imperius, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23956393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: Sirius knew that it was war and things were stressful, but James would never hit him. Therefore, this wasn't James.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [139]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/752925
Comments: 2
Kudos: 147





	Not Who I Remember

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: “Angsty time! James is under the imperius curse, and Sirius doesn't know. James is forced to do something he'd never do…”

"C'mon love," Sirius said, "I don't think I'm being so unreasonable. It's not like I'm demanding to go with you or that you stop, I just want to know where you're going." 

"Drop it, Sirius." 

"Not gonna happen. We're in the middle of a buggering war in case you forgot, and I'm not going to let you get yourself killed just so you can have a sliver more of privacy. I'm your boyfriend, it's not like you need to keep secrets from me." 

"Merlin, you're so bloody annoying." 

Sirius frowned a little, because that was a bit too harsh for the conversation, but he didn't dwell on it; he'd been far more annoying at times, and sometimes it was necessary for James to tell him so he'd pull back and think for a minute. "Just tell me where you're going, and I'll _stop_ being so annoying." 

"It's none of your business," James said angrily, turning from him. 

Sirius reached out for his arm to turn him back around. This was getting out of control, and they needed to talk. "Look, just-" He stopped in an instant when James's hand came down across his cheek. Sirius froze. All of a sudden, he was fifteen again and telling his father that he didn't have to listen to him if he bloody well didn't want to. 

"Sirius," James breathed, eyes wide and horrified. "Oh Merlin, I am _so sorry_ , I didn't mean to, I swear, I just-" 

Sirius pointed his wand at him and James-- or whoever this was-- shut right up. "Who are you?" 

"Er, I'm James, and I know you're upset and I know I buggered up, but that's no reason to-" 

Sirius hit him with a stunner. They were too close, and it happened too quickly for James to dodge or pull out his own wand to defend himself so he fell to the ground. He raised a hand to his stinging cheek and rubbed at it to get rid of the sensation. He knew what Polyjuice looked and smelled like, so it couldn't be that. They shared a bed, so it's not like it could be glamours because he might revert back at any time and Sirius would see. He guessed it _might_ be the Imperius Curse, but wasn't that normally a bigger change in behaviour? Although... there were a few things, and the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Oh it wouldn't be a regular Imperius Curse, but if someone really knew what they were doing, Sirius thought it could have these effects. Whatever he was doing when he went missing was probably damning, so he had orders not to reveal anything. That Sirius had been pushing so hard must have set something off. But he still didn't know if that's what it _actually_ was, or if he was grasping at straws. All he really knew was that James would never, in a million years, under any circumstances, have hit him. 

He was ashamed to say that he probably never would have noticed anything was wrong at all if probably-not-James hadn't slipped up and hit him. James seemed a little too invested in Order meetings? No big deal, it was wartime. Paying attention was hardly the worst thing he could be doing. James went missing for a couple hours and refused to tell Sirius where he went? he was allowed to want space and some time for himself. The only reason Sirius had been pushing it was _because_ it was war and he refused to let James get hurt just because he wanted some time to himself. 

The fact of the matter was that Sirius couldn't deal with this by himself. Whether it wasn't James or it was a cursed James, he wasn't going to be able to figure it out, and this was too sensitive for him to have trial and error. He couldn't bring himself to tie maybe-not-James up, but the stun should last for a while. Definitely long enough for him to floo Dumbledore for help. 

* * *

"When he wakes, he should be himself again," Dumbledore said, looking tired. He might be old, but Sirius had never thought of him as feeling that way until now. 

"But he'll be okay?" 

Dumbledore put a hand on his shoulder. "He will. You did the right thing in calling for me. His memories from the past few weeks will be a little faded, but everything should come back to him over time. I'm going to get back to Hogwarts, but I'll see you at the next Order meeting. Call me if he remembers anything before then." 

"I will," Sirius said, nodding. "Thank you." 

Dumbledore left, and Sirius sat on the ground next to the couch, where James was laid out. 

Sirius sighed, resting his head against the couch cushion behind him. "At least it was still you," Sirius murmured. It made him feel better about not realising sooner, but he still had the lingering need to rub at his cheek until the memory of betrayal was gone from his mind. It had only been a scant moment between the slap and knowing that it wasn't James, but that one second where he wasn't certain yet was reverberating around his brain like a shriek in an echo chamber. 

A clumsy hand pat his head, and Sirius tilted his head to look at James. James was all sleepy eyed and soft, and Sirius couldn't help but smile at him. "Hullo love. How are you feeling?" 

"Mm." James's throat worked, and he blinked to get some wakefulness to his body. "A little weird. What happened?" 

"What do you remember?" 

James's brow furrowed. "I dunno. Work, I guess? We had dinner, and you got mad at me for..." His expression turned into a full frown. "I don't remember. Did we have a fight?" 

"Yeah. It's erm-" Sirius blew out a breath and climbed onto the couch with him. "You were under the Imperius. Dumbledore got rid of it for you, but we don't know how long you've been walking around with it. If you remember anything, Dumbledore wants you to call him." 

"The Imperius? But I wasn't doing anything, I was still going to work and coming home. What did I do?" 

"We're not really sure." 

"Then how did you notice something was wrong?" 

Sirius shrugged, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. "You did something you'd never do, it gave it away." 

"What did I do?" 

Sirius kissed him again. "Don't worry about it." 

"Okay," James agreed, but it was hesitant. This topic wasn't going to be solved so easily, but for now, it was enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a prompt driven blog @[imaginejamesandsirius](https://imaginejamesandsirius.tumblr.com) on tumblr. Feel free to drop by!


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